Phoenix Calida tweets as @uppitynegress, and her account is one of the best on Twitter: clear, angry, pulls-no-punches, and very human. She also hosts The Black Podcast. I do not need another podcast to be behind on, but I think I’ve just acquired one. I’m especially smitten with this story of what happened when she was buying tampons.
Here’s the thread (check it out on Twitter; the gifs are perfect):
Ok. So it’s Monday (it’s not actually- but holidays- so it’s my Monday) and all Monday-Esque things are going wrong Bc that’s life
I’m running late. i forgot my tampons. Sigh. Now I have to hit the store Bc you know what happens when you sneeze and you’re on your periodI turn the corner to the “feminine hygiene” aisle and almost run into a dude who’s standing there looking shook
But I don’t care Bc I’m running late. And it’s (kind of) Monday. So I grab what I want and start speed walking away
He says “hey!” I turn around. He says “can you take this up [points to tampon box] and buy it, I’ll give you cash” …. What???
He says his girl sent him to the store. she needs tampons, but he doesn’t want to be seen walking thru the store carrying them Bc he’s a man
How thee fuck you dating a woman with a uterus but you too shook to buy tampons for her? I go from annoyed to angry.
So me w/ my ghetto ass, starts yellin at him about personal responsibility, sacrifice in relationships, and y men need to stop being babies
I yell “if her pussy good enough for you every other week of the month, it good enough now. Buy the damn tampons bitxh.” (I was annoyed)
I grab the box. I (gently) throw it at him. Buy the fucking tampons chad. He says his name not chad I say a don’t give a fuck.
I tell him I’ll learn his name when he learns how to respect women’s time and needs and can buy tampons like a goddamn adult. He runs away
I think it’s over. I’m just gonna be late to work, but I have *my* tampons, so it’s a good. But it’s not over yet.
Some woman… of an… older age has apparently witnessed this episode from the opposite end of the aisle. She’s not amused with me.
She begins chastising me for being mean to chad. And men shouldn’t buy tampons anyways Bc that’s not “a mans job” Why is god testing me?
I’m like, look Peggy sue. She interrupts “that’s not my name” Did you not hear what tf i just told chad about names, Karen?
She goes on about how this is why my generation gets divorced, Bc ppl don’t appreciate roles of men vs women. Jesus help me.
Karen. your generation thought race mixing was a sin, spousal rape wasn’t real, & women shouldn’t own credit cards. Shut the whole fuck up
Karen is appalled. Chad is crying somewhere. I’m late for work and have not a Fuck to give. Have my tampons tho! Happy (almost) Monday.
Oh and the cashier was low key laughing but stopped Becky sue glared at her. I glared back. I will cuss you again Kathleen. Don’t make me.
I’m actually @ work now. W/ tampons. Lesson 1: buy your gf tampons. Lesson 2: not all old folks are elders. Lesson 3: I’m not the 1 or the 2
I tell you, I’m taking notes. I’m going to start calling assholes by made-up names and then tell them I can’t be bothered to learn their names until I clean up their act. And I’m also likely to use “her pussy good enough for you every other week of the month.”
If you’re on Twitter, follow @uppitynegress . This won’t be the only thread that gives you pro-tips on human interaction.
You can also follow me on Twitter. But follow Phoenix first.