Tag Archives: tampons

Quick Take: How to Tell Off a Man Who Won’t Buy Tampons

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Debbie says:

Phoenix Calida tweets as @uppitynegress, and her account is one of the best on Twitter: clear, angry, pulls-no-punches, and very human. She also hosts The Black Podcast. I do not need another podcast to be behind on, but I think I’ve just acquired one.  I’m especially smitten with this story of what happened when she was buying tampons.

Here’s the thread (check it out on Twitter; the gifs are perfect):

Ok. So it’s Monday (it’s not actually- but holidays- so it’s my Monday) and all Monday-Esque things are going wrong Bc that’s life

I’m running late. i forgot my tampons. Sigh. Now I have to hit the store Bc you know what happens when you sneeze and you’re on your periodI turn the corner to the “feminine hygiene” aisle and almost run into a dude who’s standing there looking shook

But I don’t care Bc I’m running late. And it’s (kind of) Monday. So I grab what I want and start speed walking away

He says “hey!” I turn around. He says “can you take this up [points to tampon box] and buy it, I’ll give you cash” …. What???

He says his girl sent him to the store. she needs tampons, but he doesn’t want to be seen walking thru the store carrying them Bc he’s a man

How thee fuck you dating a woman with a uterus but you too shook to buy tampons for her? I go from annoyed to angry.

So me w/ my ghetto ass, starts yellin at him about personal responsibility, sacrifice in relationships, and y men need to stop being babies

I yell “if her pussy good enough for you every other week of the month, it good enough now. Buy the damn tampons bitxh.” (I was annoyed)

I grab the box. I (gently) throw it at him. Buy the fucking tampons chad. He says his name not chad I say a don’t give a fuck.

I tell him I’ll learn his name when he learns how to respect women’s time and needs and can buy tampons like a goddamn adult. He runs away

I think it’s over. I’m just gonna be late to work, but I have *my* tampons, so it’s a good. But it’s not over yet.

Some woman… of an… older age has apparently witnessed this episode from the opposite end of the aisle. She’s not amused with me.

She begins chastising me for being mean to chad. And men shouldn’t buy tampons anyways Bc that’s not “a mans job” Why is god testing me?

I’m like, look Peggy sue. She interrupts “that’s not my name” Did you not hear what tf i just told chad about names, Karen?

She goes on about how this is why my generation gets divorced, Bc ppl don’t appreciate roles of men vs women. Jesus help me.

Karen. your generation thought race mixing was a sin, spousal rape wasn’t real, & women shouldn’t own credit cards. Shut the whole fuck up

Karen is appalled. Chad is crying somewhere. I’m late for work and have not a Fuck to give. Have my tampons tho! Happy (almost) Monday.

Oh and the cashier was low key laughing but stopped Becky sue glared at her. I glared back. I will cuss you again Kathleen. Don’t make me.

I’m actually @ work now. W/ tampons. Lesson 1: buy your gf tampons. Lesson 2: not all old folks are elders. Lesson 3: I’m not the 1 or the 2

I tell you, I’m taking notes. I’m going to start calling assholes by made-up names and then tell them I can’t be bothered to learn their names until I clean up their act. And I’m also likely to use “her pussy good enough for you every other week of the month.”

If you’re on Twitter, follow @uppitynegress . This won’t be the only thread that gives you pro-tips on human interaction.

You can also follow me on Twitter. But follow Phoenix first.

It’s July! Let’s Have Some Links

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Debbie says:

In 1998 when Camryn Manheim was up for an Emmy, which she won. Designers lined up to make her dress, like they do (or did?) for Emmy nominees. Manheim, ever the fat activist, refused to take an offer from any designer who didn’t otherwise make plus-size clothes.

leslie-jones-768Leslie Jones, star of the upcoming Ghostbusters remake, complained on Twitter and found a designer, Christian Siriano, to make a gown for her. At least some of the fashion press thinks this is Jones’ fault. Kara Brown reports from Jezebel:

Pret-a-Reporter talked to Hollywood stylists who perfectly exemplified the stereotypes of the thin-obsessed, catty, narcissistic fashion industry.

 In addition to arguing that designers who have complete control over what sizes they make and still only produce the smallest sizes available do not have a size bias, stylist Jeanne Yang suggests that it would be a financial burden to create a new dress for a woman starring in what will likely be one of the biggest movies of the summer and who will soon be snapped thousands of times on the red carpet. …
It sucks that Jones had to complain on Twitter to get a nice dress to wear and that Christian Siriano was the only designer to step up, but hopefully he will do her right and she’ll show up on the carpet looking like a queen and making those fools wish they weren’t such brats.

All I can say is “Still? After all these years?”

***

In the class of “how was this ever not true?” towards the end of June New York City passed a law providing tampons and pads to all women in public schools, shelters, and correctional facilities.  As Mattie Kahn said at Elle:

New York City is leading the crusade to free women from shelling out for a public health imperative. No one is forcing high schoolers to pay for toilet paper, dudes! 

“Tampon taxes” are going away, but seriously: how did anyone ever think that supplying menstrual products was not a necessary thing?

***

Medium went to Samantha Bee’s Full Frontal to show us a biting overview of how female firsts are covered, from Amelia Earhart to Hillary Clinton. Hint:  the woman’s accomplishments are often not given any credit. Here’s just one of my favorites:

December, 1903, OSLO, Norway — “Ignoring voice vote, rigged Nobel Prize committee hands award to Marie Curie.”

Bee also cites reports about Billie Jean King, Sally Ride, and … Joan of Arc! Sadly not surprising, but well worth the two-minute read.

***

I really liked B.A. Beasley’s essay at The Toast on genderqueer parenting:

You see, there’s no such thing as a parent. We only have mothers and fathers.

Here’s what I don’t mean: I don’t mean that women and men are hardwired to parent differently. I don’t even mean that the social construction of gender is so overpowering that overcoming motherhood or fatherhood is difficult for individual parents. I mean the social category of parent just doesn’t seem to exist.

I say this despite the fact that my social world is filled with people who are deeply invested in egalitarian parenthood. I personally know inspirations in the realm of splitting reproductive labor. They are not doing it wrong.

But all the good people in the world making all the right decisions about sharing, pitching in, and helping each other out can’t fix the fact that every form you complete, every book you read, every law you face, every policy you confront has two categories: mothers and fathers.

There’s a lot more: very thoughtful and some of it very personal. If the topic interests you, read the whole thing.

***

Discussing a different aspect of families, social circles, and social expectations, Amalthea Aelwyn at Queen of the Chaos Circle wrote a long, detailed advice column for the families and friends of people with autoimmune diseases. Her piece has over twenty bullet points of things to think about and do: here’s just one that struck me.

  • She will already be her own worst critic. In her head, she will most likely be struggling to avoid chewing herself out regularly.   Nothing you can say will possibly be as harsh as she is on herself.  So she needs you to be especially careful of the things you say to her, and how you say them.  It’s okay to have your own feelings, and to express feelings, but you always have a choice in how you say something. There is a big difference between grumpily demanding “why do I have to stop eating wheat (candy or whatever else), just because you’re sick all the time!?” and saying “I wish there was a way to make you better, so we wouldn’t both have to skip candy and soda.” The first statement becomes an attack on a person who can’t help that she has this problem. The second statement is a way to express your frustration in a way that shows you care about her, and know that she misses those things too. It is even okay to be mad at her disease, but it’s not okay to take that mad out on her. Tell her that you are mad at her disease, too, if you want. But don’t yell at her for it. She can’t help it.

I have both family and several friends with autoimmune diseases. I found this a hard read, the kind I sometimes push against saying either, “That’s not fair to me!” or “But I already do that!” in my head, which usually means it’s things I need to hear. I’ll come back to it again and again when I need it.

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Finally, Casey Chan at Sploid features an adults-only video by SuperDeluxe that takes those of us who want to go there (not for everyone) through a sex-doll factory:

Being inside a sex doll factory and watching all that plastic nakedness get shaped is much more haunting than it is titillating. It gets unsettling, like if you were trapped inside a scene from a horror movie and couldn’t get out. But it’s also somewhat intriguing, just to see the mixture of products and body parts that they put together in a puzzle to shape a doll.

The queer parenting link is from zulu. Otherwise, links are from my regular reading, which includes Feministe, Shakesville, Sociological Images, Feministing, io9, and TakePart, along with other sources.