Category Archives: holidays

Hallowe’en: Our Costumes ‘R Our Shadows

Debbie says:

Talking primarily about the early 21st century United States here, we are an astonishingly open culture: our fears, our flashpoints, and the shadows that haunt us are easy to find on our web pages, in our music, and in the news. We are a culture where a white high school football team can make “monkey noises” when they beat an Afro-American team, where young men can not only be exonerated for gangbanging a drunken young woman but can be framed as the “victims” if punishment is even contemplated, where making fun of disability, age, and every other kind of marginalization is part of the expected territory.

So you might think that we wouldn’t need to express our darker selves in our Hallowe’en costumes, that we get enough of that in daily life. But you would be wrong. On Hallowe’en, apparently we express ourselves in all kinds of disturbing ways (as well as all kinds of completely fun and delightful ways).

Jill Tamaki at The Hairpin has some delightful visual comments on “sexy Hallowe’en.” (More panels of this cartoon at the link)

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Maya at Feministing (who led me to the Tamaki cartoons) offers a characteristically nuanced and thoughtful response to the sexy Hallowe’en phenomenon:

… confession time: One of the reasons I hate the fact that a sexy costume has become all but required is that I kinda like dressing sexy for the occasion. Yes, I’m one of those girls. If Halloween is fun because it’s a night we’re allowed to pretend to be something we aren’t, I want to pile on the heavy makeup and break out the skimpy outfits. (There are only so many opportunities to wear that tasseled white mini-skirt, after all.) Yes, the sexualization of Halloween is sad and absurd, but so is the slut-shaming that makes many women feel like it’s the only time they have permission to wear a “slutty” outfit without getting judged for it. (And, of course, they probably will get judged anyway.)

So let’s brainstorm some costumes that, whether revealing or not, are actually sexy. In other words, clever ones that don’t just involve cutting holes in a regular costume. I’ll start: I’m going to be a Sexy IUD. I’ll be dressed as a sleek, shiny copper “T” and go around hitting on guys with pickup lines like, “I’m over 99% effective at preventing pregnancy–and at getting you off!” and “I’d sure like for you to tickle my threads!”

More links to fun sexy costumes (not all of them as silly as the IUD) at the link.

The aspect I was not aware of, until Lisa Wade at Sociological Images brought it to my attention is men dressing up as fat women (!). What’s with this nonsense?

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Feministing, Sociological Images, have also been talking about racist Hallowe’en costumes, like the one above. There’s no nuanced response to racist costuming: don’t do it, tell your friends and family not to do it, and if you go to a Hallowe’en party where anyone is doing it, call it out if you can.

Not all of Wade’s examples are racist (and many many racist costumes are not also fat-shaming), but all of them are this overblown and all of them are–by definition–viciously sexist and transphobic. These are costumes for sale in many stores, and presumably there will be people out there next week wearing them “for fun.” As Wade says, “Halloween is a disturbing fun house mirror, showing us what we really think about each other.”

Body Impolitic’s 2013 Guide to Sane Holidays

Laurie and Debbie say:

This annual list is (mostly) for folks who celebrate the upcoming holidays, and are fortunate enough to have people and resources to celebrate with; if you don’t fit that group, skip to the bottom. If you do fit, then even if your family are your favorite people and you look forward all year to the holidays, you still may find useful hints here.

This year, the marvelous women of Feministing compiled their own list. It has a lot in common with ours, but it’s much more resource-focused. If you want resources for any of our suggestions, follow the link. (We’ve embedded a few to save you the trouble.)

1 – You have a right to enjoy things in your own way.To the extent possible, do as much or as little holiday stuff as you want; it’s supposed to be a celebration, not an obligation.

2 – Spend time with people who know you’re awesome. If you must spend time with people who are toxic, remind yourself three times (out loud) in your last alone moments before seeing them that they are toxic. Then do something really nice for yourself the minute you are out of their presence. (If they are not just toxic but abusive, here’s some excellent advice. We were pleased to see that this is also Feministing’s go-to resource.)

3 – Eat what you enjoy and don’t eat what you don’t enjoy. Desserts are not sinful, they’re just desserts, and relatives who push you to eat don’t get to tell you what to do. If you have a history of eating disorders, or currently struggle with them, this may help.

4 – Wear what you think you look terrific in; accept compliments and ignore digs about your clothes.

5 – Plan your responses to inevitable comments beforehand. Try not to spend energy on the digs, because they probably aren’t going to stop. For example, if you know that your sister is going to tell you, “for your own good,” how your hairstyle is unbecoming to you, be prepared to say, “I appreciate your concern. Excuse me, I really want to catch up with Uncle Harry.”

6 – If you think kids are fun, they can be a great escape from the adult follies. If kids drive you crazy, keep your distance when you can, and try to keep your patience otherwise: they didn’t overstimulate themselves with sugar and toys.

7 – If you have enough to give to someone who has less, do it. If you know someone who is having a crappy holiday, even if you are too, take a moment to do something for them that they will enjoy. In both cases, your generosity will help them and will probably also make you feel better.

8 – If you hate the holidays, or they make you sad, you’re not alone. Participate as little as possible. They’ll be over soon. Spectra has some specific advice for queer people of color, who are often going to be particularly burdened by holiday stuff. If you’re wishing you had someone (someone particular or folks in general) to spend the holidays with, treat yourself with special care. If you’re a volunteering type, that can work, but so can staying at home and taking a hot bath.

9 – Be effusive about every gift you get; then be discreetly rude about the awful ones later to your friends. If they’re really awful, throw them off a bridge in the middle of the night.

If these aren’t your holidays, have a great Chinese meal and enjoy the movie!

We’ll be back in the beginning of the New Year.