Mischief says:

I love love love my new cat food. I’ve always liked to play a lot; I would do things like get into the sock drawer and kill all the socks I can find. I never minded not going outside, but now I want to go outside and kill real things. Not going outside is making me really anxious, but my person thinks I’m just playful. Because I don’t go outside, it’s really really important to me to mark my territory. My person doesn’t seem to like the smell, but you never know when some stray cat might come in and be confused about the fact that this place is mine, mine, MINE!

Silky says:

it’s so wonderful to know that all i need to be healthy is to eat Purina One and lie around and look kitty sexy and so beautiful. i used to have short hair but since i’ve been eating Purina One it’s just grown and grown and it’s sooo soft. my person pets me a lot more than she used to and she’s always bragging to her friends about my hair. she used to be really angry when i’d catch birds and bring them home to her. and i used to love to chase string and run around the house. it’s much more restful for her now that all i do is lie around and look beautiful.

and I’m really glad i’m a girl kitty. If i was an older boy kitty i’d have to run around and get all hot and sweaty to be healthy and live to be old. But since i’m a girl all i have to do is look beautiful.

and i get touched a lot. really a lot. almost enough. but i still want to be touched more … and more … and more.

Bird Chaser says:

I can sure relate to how Mischief feels about this cat food. I do go outside and I chase real birds. I met some other cats and they told me that this food works just the opposite way for girl cats that it does for boy cats. It makes them all silky and soft and makes them want to be touched.

I don’t have time to tell my story now … I’m going out looking for pussy.

Thanks to Anna Feruglio Dal Dan for the pointer.

cat food, cats, cat health, gender, feminism, sexism, Purina, Body Impolitic