Where My Ass Is
Terry A. Garey

right between the two bones I sit on
some guys have a different idea about it
sometimes I wonder about my various parts
being a woman isn't all tits and ass, you know
I worry about the pieces
about how I'm considered a piece
never get any, either
when I'm walking down the street
trying to figure out how to pay the gas bill this month
answer's obvious if I would only listen
says some gentleman with his flap hanging out
then I'm spurned
by the next guy who says I don't suit him at all

imagine my disappointment

my father tells me fat women shouldn't wear pants
I don't remember asking ÷
must have slipped my mind
I say get it over with and standardize us all
maybe they can turn out buns out in a bakery and see
if they can get us right
so we won't be such a pain in the
you know

on the face of it I know better, really
but these cheeks just keep getting out of control
enticing, batting their eyelashes at the damndest times
like when I'm on a really serious subject,
and my chest, and my legs and my hair and my nose
and the rough spots on my elbows ÷ mighod
it's overwhelming what my body says
when I'm not listening

so I keep wondering where my ass is, sneaking
up on some helpless guy?
Being underhanded
supine or just prone
to assume the position?
and when I finally get old ÷
want to lay myself down
go all snaggle toothed and witchy,
will it still be having conversations without me?

man, as it were
it's a mystery
keeps me awake at night
trying to keep lay and lie straight
look good
keep tight
don't sag
don't let him see you like that
and my ass
always my ass

use it or lose it
that's what they say
how will I walk?

I dreamed my ass ran off one night with a Nazi
it was so embarrassing
knocked the bottom right out of me
for days
laid me low
I was up the creek without a paddle
but not my ass
in the dream I worried
about whether it put the whole thing on Mastercard
or used cash
bought patent leather panties, got them rumpled
lent them to some other derriere
running wild through my dreams
you can't return underwear to the store,
you know

I wonder
if I can ever get behind my ass
Îcause I'd just like to see the end of it
it's 10 o'clock
do you know where your ass is?

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Last Update
January 10th, 2002