Ever Had One of Those Days?
Debbie says:
Liz put this oh-so-satisfying link into our comments this week, and I can’t resist sharing it with you all.
The [skinny] woman is now weighing the pros and cons of having skim milk versus two percent milk in her latte, and she says, “God, I don’t know, I just feel so, like, fat today. I feel like such a big fat cow.”
Then she turns to me, and she says, GET THIS, “How do you stand it every day?”
I blink.
Several heads in the cafe pop up because nobody can believe this woman actually said this to a total stranger. I feel as if the sitcom camera is pulling in tight for a closeup on my reaction.
But the gods of snark are smiling upon me today. I reply, straightfaced, “You know, it’s normally not too bad, but today I’m having one of those days where I feel like a shallow dumb bitch. How do you stand it every day?”
There’s more, including the punchline from the barista. Read it all.
Nothing like a snappy comeback to improve one’s mood …
April 18th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
ha! That was GREAT!
I have had moments and retorts like that & it’s very satisfying. “You look too healthy to be in a wheelchair!” “That’s funny, you look too normal to be such a rude asshole!”
April 18th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
“adorable pierced-and-tattooed boy en flambe”
*Giggle-snort* Not only is the writer the Queen of Everything for the Best Retort EVAR, she also is just generally made of win as a writer. I am in awe. Thanks for re-posting this.
April 18th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
That is the best story ever. Thank you so much for sharing!
April 19th, 2008 at 12:25 am
badger, how about “You look so normal I’m not surprised you’re a rude asshole!” *grin*
Dawn, I really wanted to quote that description, but I ended up just hoping people would click the link.
Vito, you are welcome.
April 19th, 2008 at 9:41 am
That’s awesome.
My best retort ever:
Junior high. There’s a group of boys who tease me every day, calling me “Fido” and barking at me. In math class one day:
Boy whose name I have forgotten: “I hope you don’t bite me, Fido, I might get rabies.”
Me: “I wouldn’t bite you, I might get trichinosis.”
Alas, he didn’t know what I meant, so the retort was completely wasted. Sigh.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I’m still laughing. That was *great.*
April 25th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
[...] Ever had one of those days? by Body Impolitic [...]