The other point is that I think there’s a crucial but often overlooked distinction between respecting or supporting a person and respecting or supporting that person’s beliefs or choices. I have no problem at all with the idea that I can find fault with the specific choice a person has made and still treat that person with respect. I feel this way about people who have, for example, religious beliefs that I don’t respect, approve, or support. As I get older, I find that I care less about what people think than about how they behave.

It’s possible that her daughter is enthusiastically supportive, but it’s also possible that she’s feeling pressured not to object, or not to make those objections about herself and her identity rather than her worry about her mother’s safety during surgery. Twenty-nine is old enough that yes, she can make her own choices too, but the “guess how old we are” thing seems a little too much like using her daughter as a prop for herself. There’s nothing new in parents doing that, I know; maybe it’s the physicality of this one that’s the difference. Though it might be easier for the daughter to cut her hair and put on a different outfit than for My Son The Doctor to walk away from that role.