Laurie Toby Edison

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Ever Had One of Those Days?

Debbie says:

Liz put this oh-so-satisfying link into our comments this week, and I can’t resist sharing it with you all.

The [skinny] woman is now weighing the pros and cons of having skim milk versus two percent milk in her latte, and she says, “God, I don’t know, I just feel so, like, fat today. I feel like such a big fat cow.”

Then she turns to me, and she says, GET THIS, “How do you stand it every day?”

I blink.

Several heads in the cafe pop up because nobody can believe this woman actually said this to a total stranger. I feel as if the sitcom camera is pulling in tight for a closeup on my reaction.

But the gods of snark are smiling upon me today. I reply, straightfaced, “You know, it’s normally not too bad, but today I’m having one of those days where I feel like a shallow dumb bitch. How do you stand it every day?”

There’s more, including the punchline from the barista. Read it all.

Nothing like a snappy comeback to improve one’s mood …

7 Responses to “Ever Had One of Those Days?”

  1. badgermama Says:

    ha! That was GREAT!

    I have had moments and retorts like that & it’s very satisfying. “You look too healthy to be in a wheelchair!” “That’s funny, you look too normal to be such a rude asshole!”

  2. DawnD Says:

    “adorable pierced-and-tattooed boy en flambe”

    *Giggle-snort* Not only is the writer the Queen of Everything for the Best Retort EVAR, she also is just generally made of win as a writer. I am in awe. Thanks for re-posting this.

  3. vito excalibur Says:

    That is the best story ever. Thank you so much for sharing!

  4. Debbie Says:

    badger, how about “You look so normal I’m not surprised you’re a rude asshole!” *grin*

    Dawn, I really wanted to quote that description, but I ended up just hoping people would click the link.

    Vito, you are welcome.

  5. janet Says:

    That’s awesome.

    My best retort ever:

    Junior high. There’s a group of boys who tease me every day, calling me “Fido” and barking at me. In math class one day:

    Boy whose name I have forgotten: “I hope you don’t bite me, Fido, I might get rabies.”

    Me: “I wouldn’t bite you, I might get trichinosis.”

    Alas, he didn’t know what I meant, so the retort was completely wasted. Sigh.

  6. stefanie Says:

    I’m still laughing. That was *great.*

  7. Long Overdue Links « Di Has Stories… Says:

    [...] Ever had one of those days? by Body Impolitic [...]

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