Laurie and Debbie say:
We knew it was National Poetry Month. Apparently, it’s also National Defense Week.
Nowhere on the web, however, did anyone declare National Sell Stupid Sex Products Week. Nonetheless, looking at our blogrolls and inboxes, clearly the moment is now.
Where shall we start?
Most of the stupidity seems to have been engineered by men, but not all. The Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative has figured out “what women want.” Or something. Neither of us can say that our fantasies run to …
beautiful PG photos of hunky men cooking, listening, asking for directions, accompanied by steamy captions: “I love a clean house!” or “As long as I have two legs to walk on, you’ll never take out the trash.”
One way to look at this? If someone is doing your scut work, there’s more time and energy for sex.
Unfortunately, other than the book cover, there don’t appear to be pictures available on the Web.
The publisher says, “Now this is porn that will leave women begging for more!” We say, sure, some women, some of the time, under some circumstances. Others might want their laundry taken out by men dressed as French maids in cute little revealing aprons. Sure, let’s just simplify women’s sexuality some more–“one size fits all” is a great way to change something from being silly into being stupid.
Over at the Allergan product site, they’ve found a whole new way to sell breast implants:
Who knew they made you smarter? Who knew that breast size had anything whatsoever to do with whatever “smart” is? We’re grateful to Allergan for pointing out this previously unrecognized connection. (And now we know that Debbie looks smarter than Laurie. Who knew?)
For equal opportunity stupidity, try penis skin cream. Unfortunately, there are no pictures, but …
Millions of American men spend billions of dollars on skin care for every other part of their body except their penis.
The message here is actually quite surprising. Sex is bad for your penis. They list four reasons why that’s true (friction, heat, chemicals in condoms, and the stress of enlargement and retraction). Age is also bad for your penis. They don’t mince words, either:
Simply by rubbing RestoreMax into the shaft of the penis twice a day and always after sex, a man can help the skin heal, recover, and restore itself despite the gauntlet of torture it is subjected to every single day. RestoreMax is not in stores, but it is available on the website. It is only $9.95, and the improvement a man can feel in his penis is priceless. (Emphasis ours.)
So for those of you who mind having your penis subjected to a gauntlet of torture every single day, help is at hand.
On the more “scientific” side of product sales, we have bremelanotide. Developed as a tanning agent to protect from skin cancer, the drug is now being touted as a way to increase “lagging female libido.” But check out the drug company’s own blog, where we find that the Phase II post-menopausal women trial was a vast and scientifically useful 27 women. What’s more (get this!) 43% experienced an increase in libido, and 40.7% experienced nausea (the latter as compared to 0% of women getting the placebo). The math is easy. We may have a 2.3% chance of “improving” our sexual response (assuming we think there’s anything wrong with it in the first place) without also getting sick to our stomachs. Neither of us like that risk/reward ratio: what about you? Of course, the news articles mention neither trial size nor side effects–in fact, it’s interesting that the product blog does.
You get your pick. But you have to admit that it’s quite a crop for one week (and really, they all showed up in two days!).